k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
