Got a toothbrush?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
