Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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