3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize