Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize