Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
