My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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