I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
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my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
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His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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