How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
