Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
