That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
