I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
