I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
