Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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