I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
