Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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