Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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