So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
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I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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