Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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