Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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