everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
