i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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