Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
