Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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