he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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