How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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