I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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