I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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