Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
