I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
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I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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