And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
