Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
