just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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