THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
