Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
