Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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