youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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