In the future we'll all be gay
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
