Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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