If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
