i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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