we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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