his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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