Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
