why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
