just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
