look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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