party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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