so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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