I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm too high and old for this...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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