So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
