you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Congratulations! We have a period
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
