I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
