he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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