I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
