Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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