right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
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Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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