I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
