remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
