She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
