we have pet lesbian snakes
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
