I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you had me at cake vodka
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize