Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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