Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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